Raiders of the Lost Toys

“Belloq’s staff is too long…. They’re digging in the wrong place.”

As a parent or indeed anybody that dwells inside of a house, sooner or later you’re going to come across the unique and confounding conundrum of losing a prized possession within the bowels of the home. For us it tends to be ancillary things such as sunglasses, extended phone batteries, knick knacks, tchotchkes, and various whatnots.

I can attest that the sun shone through in beautiful brilliance just a few weeks ago when my wife managed to unearth her wedding ring that had been lost for most of the summer. Obviously this is an extremely treasured trinket and when rediscovered it was an absolute joy for the entire household. I was pretty much just happy to learn that it didn’t fall into Mount Doom.

Our beloved children however, when they take possession of a toy, or a doll, or a video game that falls into the void of “where did it go?”, the immediate damage on their psyche can be much swifter. I’m sure it sounds like I’m over exaggerating but have you ever seen a kid lose their favorite toy… For an hour?

Over the last few days several of the coveted playthings in our house have found themselves somewhere beneath the cracks. An Ariel doll from The Little Mermaid, a Sally bobblehead thing from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and also various cars and characters.

The interesting facet of this story is where the lion comes in. Without warning, suddenly these items that have gone missing for so long will suddenly reappear with shocking suddenness. Last night Sally manifested from parts unknown. This morning, Ariel returned from the other side on our bed.

Our beloved daughter could not answer our queries as to where these toys were found again, and all signs pointed to a very crafty lion.

Basic detective work leads us to believe that in the den of the lion there are hidden caches. A place where toys and valuables whether they belong to him or not can find sanctuary. And when the mood strikes him, this gentle yet playful Beast will return the items back to play zone where they can be reclaimed and loved all over again.

So if you have kids, and something has disappeared Into The Further, it is not crazy to surmise that one of the little tykes has a secret vault where they’re keeping some of the more choice items.

Now I’m not saying to go and ransack their room, nor do you interrogate them, as we do not want to violate the sanctity of their privacy at such a young and tender age…

But that Goddamn remote control better turn up before the next hockey game, or there will be hell to pay.


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